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2017.07.29 00:49 jagged_edge_pillPost One
Me: 41 , married for 14 years, 69"198 lb, work in IT in the silicon valley. Born and raised in India, did some schooling in the US. Arranged marriage: we were introduced by our parents (like a dating service, only cliche) had a short courtship period, then agreed to get married. Was never an alpha, was almost always a follower, not leader. Had a couple of girl friends, then met my wife. Three kids (9,5,3). I have gained about 30 lb in the 14 years of marriage. Sex was hot to begin with, got a BJ in her fathers house with her father knocking on the door and me holding it shut. And, then off course the downhill slide to the main event. Several disputes about not enough sex, boring sex, shouting matches etc. etc. Found RP about 2 years ago after a 'main event'. Wife spent more time texting her friends than me, one in particular. One quick snoop in revealed a ton of "I love you" messages spread over many months. This is a very old friend of hers, they went to college together and work and live close by here in the valley. Having read the sidebar once, now reading twice, and the posts here would lead me to think they had an affair. Knowing her and her friend I doubt if anything physical ever happened....the wife's friend wouldn't do it even if the wife wanted. Having said that I wouldn't be surprised if it did. Anyhow, I confronted her, she said, "its girly communication etc etc." then blamed me of accusing her, then cried , I stood my ground unfazed. She later apologized and blamed her friend as she was a distraction. Imagine that hamster ! Over the years sex and affection had slowed down to once-twice a month duty sex. The usual excuses: "I am tired," "I dont feel sexy", blah blah....now I realize I was not sexy enough. Brad Pitt would have her humping in no time. I never really followed up on RP after the main event. Sex improved for a few weeks after the main event, and then declined again. I found RP again about 5 months ago. Since then I have started lifting, dressing better, have read most of the sidebar. Found WISNIFG to be the most useful. Ironwork: Started with barbell 5 months ago. Now: Bench 160 x 8 x 3 Squat 175 x 8 x 3 Deadlift 170 x 8 x 3 OP 105 x 8 x 3 dumbbell row 65 x 8 x 3; alternate with Lat Pull down : 150 x 8 x3 Ab crunches: 14x3 Try to do weight training about 4 /week; but mostly manage 3/week. Have noticed good strength gains, some size, have not lost weight but body fat is down to 20-21 percent. Have begun to identify and squash shit tests. Have not had a fight/argument in three months. Just refuse to engage in drama, mostly by not engaging, but on a couple of times made a statement "I am not going to do this," and then walking away. Made some initial gains, sex became more frequent, did the newby thing: went Rambo with shit tests, nuked more than needed; Rambo at gym (lifted more than body could tolerate) , and even Rambo at work ( pissed an employee off). Since identifying the Rambo syndrome I have purposefully slowed things down. My initial readings repulsed me from woman kind, actually I still hold some anger and try not to let it show. I continue to get servant order tests in more subtle ways than I was ready to identify, and when I fail them I get mad at myself, really mad, but I realize its a work in progress. The usually accepted jokes of men needing approval from women, or at mercy of women, or at mercy for sex, or men being happy when women leave etc etc don’t amuse me anymore. I am also surrounded by the typical beta’s…fuck, I am still one of them. During this time I also started to manage finances better. Money was never an issue and she took it for granted. This is where I faced a lot of resistance. Limits on shopping, eating out were not acceptable and resulted in drama. She also resisted changing employment when an equally challenging and better paying option arose. Had to work hard to support her through the transition but not take ownership of her decision to change jobs. I think she still resents me leading her in this direction. The rationale was simple: an increase in discretionary spending can only be allowed if more revenue is generated; but this was precipitated by a surprise $2000 dress shopping bill which resulted in my losing my cool and threatening to put her on a budget. Over time: 1. Saying no has become easier 2. I have started to tease her like I would tease a child, smack her ass at will, pull her hair, pulled her panties down in the walk-in closet etc etc 3. Don’t negotiate or demand sex, or give ultimatums. 4. Ramp up soft no’s to hard no’s with ease 5. Have begun to flirt…has become harder as I am angry at her more recently for withholding sex Issues: 1.Bench Press has plateaued. Recommendations? I can squat and DL a lot more but only going up 2.5-5 lb at a time.
Not losing weight or inches of waist. Have cut down junk food during the day, only eat a two egg omelet for breakfast, grilled chicken or lentil and salad(no dressing) for lunch; grilled chicken, fish, lentil and salad for dinner. Its the after dinner snacking when I lose control that gets me. Need to do a lot better. Started watching forks over knives. How do you combat an almost compulsive need to shove something in the mouth after dinner?
Sex has slowed down again. She is at the new job, claims she is tired at the end of the day. The new job is actually slower, she is basically 'punishing' me for ‘forcing’ her to change jobs. I am trying to channel the anger at the gym but it feels inside that this will culminate in another ‘discussion’. Don’t want to do that. Need to master prize mentality.
Struggle on how to respond to hard no’s: After a hard no, she goes to bed, and so did I. Now, I stay in bed for a bit then walk downstairs to do whatever, work on the bike, read, iron my clothes for the next day etc. She offered me sex so I would stay in bed once, asked me “you only want sex from me” on another occasion. My question is: What do I do the next day? I have read ‘withhold affection’ but that’s being butt hurt.
TLDR: The usual story, with an ‘arranged marriage’ twist.
2014.09.09 21:46 BurritoFueled102 things to do in the Sacramento area, for people who live in the Sacramento area
Last updated 7/22/2015 Please find the 2nd half of the post in the comments below Obnoxiously long post alert People are always looking for something to do around here. Maybe you’re a transplant, unaware of what this area has to offer—or maybe you’re a lifelong resident, tired of the same old thing. Sure, we’ve got Old Sac, Sutter’s Fort, Crocker Art Museum, Kings, etc—but chances are, if you’ve lived here for more than a couple months, you’ve gone to those places already. If you’ve lived here all your life, you’ve probably visited them dozens of times. What now? Can’t get drunk every night. Well friend, do not despair. There’s actually plenty of things to do in the Sacramento area—things of interest to almost any lifestyle, personality, or way of life. Whether you’re an athlete, geek, eccentric, weirdo, or sexual deviant. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands recently, so I decided to put together a list of activities for you to try if you are so inclined. Please note that I’ve tried to keep this list as non-generic as possible. Most people are aware of the Music Circus, where to find a movie theatre, or how much fun a XOSO league can be. I’ve also tried to include only activities that take place at least a few months out of the year—no one-off events or festivals here. So here we go. Enjoy and feel free to add suggestions of your own!
Rent a Ferrari, Lamborghini, Aston Martin, or Bentley from LA Luxury Car Rental. They'll deliver it right to your door.
Purchase the sweetest sweet corn in all the land at the Davis Ranch in Sloughhouse.
When you're done in Sloughhouse, head a little further up the Jackson Highway (just past Rancho Murieta), hang a left on Michigan Bar Road, and cross the bridge (it's safe, trust me!) for one of the most historic, beautiful, and adventurous road trips in the entire area. Make sure you bring a hearty vehicle (not a rented Ferrari) and avoid during winter and spring.
Football season is here! The Sacramento region boasts some of the best high school programs in the state. Check out top notch teams like Grant, Elk Grove, Folsom, and Del Oro to see potential division 1 and NFL players of the future.
If Live-Action Role Play (LARP) floats your boat, Sacramento Valley Amtgard has the battles, weapons workshops, and skills classes you've been looking for.
Become the king of Pho ("Pho King", get it? HAW HAW HAW HAW) or the apple of Daddy Dave Leatherby's eye by conquering some of the eating challenges and contests in the area. Make sure to take your Lipitor.
Buy some gold pans or a sluice box at Black Sheep Mining and head for the hills--just like the 49ers that first "rushed" to the area. experts say more than 80% of the motherlode is still waiting to be found--and gold prices are still higher than they've been in decades.
2013.12.19 20:59 kinda-sketchyI [33m] got out of an 8 year relationship about a year ago, started dating younger women [18-24f] and it's making me feel great and sketchy at the same time. Any advice for me?
Hey Reddit, TL;DR: Started dating younger women, never been happier but I feel dirty. So I'm (33M) and just got out of an 8 year relationship about a year ago. I didn't date much in high school or college -- was really focused on school and never really had the confidence around girls to make much happen. I've always liked running and working out, not a bad looking guy -- been pretty stable at 6'1" 170 pounds since I turned 18. I wasn't a virgin, but I had only been with 2 women by the time I met my ex-girlfriend (33F). My ex-girlfriend was like the girl version of me. Good family, good school, good GPA, we met in the same MBA program. We knew each other when we were living in a cheap dive apartment, when we were cutting our teeth in the proverbial mail room, when we got our first "dream" jobs. We got along well, and still do as friends. If I'm being honest I think we both just sort of settled into a routine and were afraid of change. Anyway about a year ago we had both just started new jobs. I've been with the same consulting firm really since I did an internship with them as an undergrad. I love my job. It's challenging, constantly involves problem solving. The work is satisfying to accomplish, and the pay is more than generous. I travel a lot. 3-4 days a week. Internationally often. Last year I pulled in something like $250k due to work and investments. I've got a house and bought two more that I rent out. Financially I feel great. My ex-girlfriend had never really found her groove at work. She changed companies every 12-18 months. From the outside it looked like she was getting promoted, or at least making vertical moves, but truth be told she had major confidence issues around her performance. She'd get a tepid performance review and instantly start looking for a new job rather than focus on improving. She didn't ever really enjoy the work. Same exact MBA program, but she was making about half what I was. Our sex life had never been amazing; we maybe had sex 3 times a month on average. She didn't really like to work out, and she didn't take good care of herself. Like... she just wasn't all that into her looks. Makeup was never really done right, clothes were often loose fitting, she'd frequently go a few weeks between shaving her legs and never so much as trimmed her bush. I could make do, and we had a few talks about how I preferred it when she shaved her legs, but that's really as far as I pushed it. So anyway when she started traveling she started putting on weight. That's part of the job, everyone tells you to watch out for all the travel... hotel gyms that suck, jet lag, eating only from restaurants for weeks on end... It's not very healthy. She ballooned to about 200 pounds at 5'6". Our sex life became non-existent. Neither of us really wanted kids, but it did bother me that we weren't having sex as much. We talked about it, made it a point to hit the gym together when we were in town together, tried a few sessions of couples counseling. Anyway it just really started to get me down. I was loving everything about life, except her. She wasn't into anything romantic or flirty... no sexting, or phone sex, not even love letters. When I was in town she wasn't, or vise versa -- wasn't intentional, but we both worked a lot. The straw that broke the camel's back was on a three-day weekend she told me she thought we should take separate vacations. We had talked about marriage and all that, but I knew right then I didn't want to be that couple that sleeps in separate bedrooms. So we broke up. Neither one of us really seemed to take it very hard. Like I said, we're still friends. Since the breakup she's changed jobs again, sort of gotten her life in balance, and is in a little better shape. I'm happy for her. I hit the gym hard after the breakup and I'm in the best shape of my life. Also not eating the unhealthy food she liked has really helped me as well. I'm pretty much all Paleo and loving it! Been casually dating since the breakup... hit up OKCupid, Match, PlentyOfFish, even CraigsList. The first 9 months I looked for women who were like her. The women were my age, career focused... fuck it was the same old thing though. They were kinda boring, never really made me feel like a priority in their lives, never in the best shape. Ha and without fail within a handful of dates there would be the, "Where is this going? I want kids by the time I'm X age." It never seemed like any of them were in it for fun, or were really trying to get to know me. Friends had been telling me over and over that I was, "a catch" and dating really boosted my confidence. I started off basically afraid to ask women out, but not once I got a date I'd always without fail have the girl asking me for another. It was really flattering. At one point about 3 months ago I was bored in a hotel far away from home -- kind of a small town, so I couldn't really find anyone who looked good in my normal age filter search. So I turned off the age filters. Boom, all these hot, thin, gorgeous 18 year olds really caught my eye. I said to myself, "Fuck it, I'll meet up with one of them..." An hour later this girl is in my hotel room giving me the best blow job I ever had in my life. We order room service, and she's just totally impressed with me and I haven't even really done anything. She's tone everywhere, her tits are perky, she seemed crazy into me, and... fuck my dick was like an inch and a half longer just being around her. No joke. I had never been so turned on. When we were done she asked when I was going to be back in town. I was pretty sex-drunk, so I said, "Well probably never, but no reason you can't come with me to the next town." When I had offered my ex-girlfriend the chance to travel with me it never worked because of her job, so I didn't really expect it to work here. But the girl said, "Sure, I'd love to!" So we spent 2 weeks on a business trip in Switzerland and I had more sex than I did with my ex-girlfriend in 8 years. The girl was great! She never told me she was too busy, or didn't have time for me. Was obsessed with eating right and working out, and... body hair removal. Ha. It was such a joy to eat her out after dealing with the jungle my ex-girlfriend had. I couldn't get enough. She'd text me all throughout the day to tell me she was thinking of me, or send me dirty pictures, or just generally flirt with me. She reminded me to be silly and have fun and enjoy the fact that we were in Europe together. She was so grateful for little things like a nice dinner out, or me buying her an umbrella. But of course it didn't last. I couldn't take her to the company summer party, or out with my regular friends -- she wasn't old enough to even go to bars. And she had to start college when the summer was over. We never really defined what we were doing, so we didn't really end it... we still have phone sex from time to time and talk about going on road trips again. She tells me about guys (and girls) she's fucking. She was so much fun. And with that in mind, I sought out other girls like her. For the lats few months I've found a different girl every other week or so who were 18-24ish. The difference between having sex with someone who is 33 and doesn't take care of themselves vs. 18 and does... I'd say something cheesy about driving a beat up minivan vs. a sports car -- but yeah that's pretty accurate. (Also after breaking up, I went and bought a BMW Z4. My ex-girlfriend always made fun of guys who drove sports cars...) Now I've settled into a groove... take a girl out to a fancy dinner, take her back to my house for a fancy night. I haven't got a clue why I was so shy around women in the past, but now frankly the fact that it's so easy makes me lose respect for them. There's no good way to spin this. I'm starting to feel sketchy. Like I'm just using these chicks for sex. But to be clear, I also feel really happy because... science. Err, sex! So I guess my big gripe is that I can't ever talk with the girls about work, or my day, or really anything other than stupid pop culture shit. I don't watch TV, I don't listen to a lot of new music (certainly not into rap or whatever else this shit with all the beats). I watched Vines with one girl, and... I could feel my IQ dropping. Reality TV, it seems they always put it on when given the option -- I upgraded to The W on a business trip, and all this girl wanted to do in a new city she had never been in before was stay in and watch TV. I was so disgusted I fucked her extra hard that night. So... questions:
How do I balance wanting to have sex with these hot girls with also wanting to have a meaningful relationship with someone I could actually have a conversation with? Dating sites kinda suck, and all my friends are my age and won't be able to introduce me to girls who I don't already know... how do I go about finding someone a few years younger than me (25ish ideally) who is smart, and educated, and still able to make time for fun?
Is this a generational thing? Or like a nerd vs. not nerd thing? I'm pretty sure girls weren't this into sex when I was in high school / college. Every girl I've dated... they're all like professionally waxed, and they have sexy underwear, they're open to just about anything, and they come fully trained... I'm upwards of 15 years older than them and they are teaching me things. I feel like I missed out on so much! With my ex-girlfriend we kinda only had like two positions. Not be be to graphic but like, I like having my ass licked now, I love fucking a girl in the ass, I love titty-fucking, giving girls facials, having someone blow me and swallow... shit, these are all such huge turn-ons that I just never experienced before. How did I not know these were on the table before?! I literally thought these were all things that only happened in porn.
My mom is a doctor, she taught me from a very early age that men and women are equal. But... if I'm honest about what I want, having an "equal" relationship with my ex-girlfriend kind of sucked. I really want someone who will be there for me when I get home from work, and who can bail on her work at the drop of a hat to go with me when work asks me to go somewhere fun for a week. I want someone who can run the occasional errand for me during the day if I get bogged down with work, and who shows her appreciation and is grateful for me buying nice things for her. Is there any way to have this sort of arrangement without it turning into / being perceived as like a gold digger / paying for sex kind of thing?
Pregnancy... I don't really know all these girls very well. I've been using condoms, but I'm more than a little afraid of the fallout here. I mean... when I go out with a girl who tells me a hotel restaurant that doesn't even have a dress code is the "nicest" place she's ever eaten... yeah I feel a bit afraid that she's going to view getting pregnant as winning the lottery. With my ex-girlfriend I trusted she didn't want kids and so she'd take her pills, not really sure how to cut loose and enjoy myself with someone who is basically a stranger.
The girls are amazing at sex. But... at the same time it's easy to impress them. Like going down on a thin and tone 18 year-old... first like I said, I'm getting over 8 years of jungle-bush, when I see a smooth pussy I just want to eat it for hours on end. I've gotten a lot of compliments on how good I am at it, and it's super flattering. Makes me want to do it more. Seems the girls I've been dating have a lot more experience giving than receiving... so this isn't so much a question as a statement: Guys WTF?! Return the favor. I've had all these girls beg me for repeat performances -- and in the end it gives me so much confidence when I know I have options.
What's next? Like I worry I'm becoming a womanizer. I don't think the women are feeling used, and I'm certainly not promising anything long-term... but there's certainly an unavoidable power dynamic. Let's say I really do like one of these girls... how would I go about incorporating her into my "real" life. Meeting my 33+ year-old friends, taking her to a work Christmas party... I just feel like I'd get a lot of funny looks / rumors that wouldn't be healthy for my career. Anyone have experience dealing with this? Do I have to just say, "Fuck it, I don't care what the world thinks?" Can I even "get serious" with a girl who is 8... 10... 14 years younger than me?
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